I found one of my old journals from BYU tonight and it is SOLID GOLD. Ok, it’s mostly idle, sophomoric prattle about my many, many unrequited crushes, and how much I hated a certain roommate– I routinely refer to her as a “stroppy cow” and “bitch queen from hell.” I’m nothing if not honest. There’s a lot of funny stuff, but I had to share this gem right away:
Mandy and I are currently engaged in a friendly competition that we like to call the Quest for Booty. We keep track of points, and it’s all honor code: if you really feel like you deserve points, you deserve points. But ultimately the points don’t matter. In order to win, you have to kiss a Mormon boy on the lips– something that she and I both have yet to do. Kissing a Mormon boy is like catching the Golden Snitch: it’s worth a jillion points, and you automatically win. The winner gets dinner at Arby’s, courtesy of the loser, plus the glory of being the Booty Queen.
Now how exactly does one go about seducing a Mormon boy? We thought and thought, and decided that first you have to convince him that you are Relief Society president material. Then you jump his bones. It’s foolproof.
FYI: I captured the Golden Snitch seven months later, and I think Mandy kissed a Mormon boy for the first time soon after. It took that long because we both blue-balled never-Mo boys over summer vacation.
