I got careless, and Black Hawk Down didn’t make its way back to my sock drawer. I was writing an analysis paper on it for film class. (Yes, my BYU film professor approved an R-rated film for my paper. I would say 95% of BYU film majors watch R-rated movies, and have very well-developed arguments as to why they do, and why you should too. The other 5% are insufferable goody-goodies who want to make church movies when they grow up. Ew.)
Anyway, back to Black Hawk Down, an excellent film that won Academy Awards and all that shit. It was Friday night, and Leah was out, so I enjoyed Ewan McGregor’s adorable attempt at an American accent, furiously scribbling notes for the paper that, if I remember correctly, earned me an A-. Perhaps I left the movie in the player. Perhaps I carelessly left it lying out. I may have even hidden it under the couch while Leah fumbled with her keys outside the door. I can’t remember. All I know is that the movie didn’t make it back to my sock drawer.
BIG MISTAKE.
HUGE.
(Name that R-rated movie, babies!)
The next day, Leah got up early and cleaned our apartment. I’m not complaining. College apartments can get a little funky. She found Black Hawk Down, and upon inspecting it and finding that loathsome letter R, decided to write a lengthy call to repentance on not one, not two, but three Post-It notes.
I should have saved them. I wish I could share every sanctimonious word, but I threw the notes away, and only remember the gist, which went something like this:
I DON’T KNOW WHOSE MOVIE THIS IS BUT I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD BRING SOMETHING LIKE THIS INTO OUR HOUSE. I CAN’T FEEL THE SPIRIT IN A HOUSE WITH R-RATED MOVIES. THE PROPHET HAS WARNED US ABOUT R-RATED MOVIES, AND I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU WOULD DISOBEY THE PROPHET! I AM GOING GROCERY SHOPPING AND WHEN I COME BACK, THIS HAD BETTER BE GONE, AND I MEAN IN THE TRASH.
Black Hawk Down went back in my sock drawer, and you had better believe I was a lot more cautious with my dirty R-rated movies after that, but I had one more close shave. Tune in later for An R-rated Disagreement, Part Trois.
(I feel I should point out that Leah is a wonderful person, and I am still grateful to call her my friend. She put up with a lot of my crap, and I would say that the R-rated movies were the least of it. She is a funny, kind, altogether lovely person and I adore her, but when it comes to Mormonism she’s sort of a self-anointed enforcer. As I’m sure you can imagine, when an enforcer and a budding apostate live together, that can cause some friction. But seriously, I adore her.)
