Damn. Ambien just made me hallucinate, and not even in a fun way.

It might be different. How so, do you think?

As much as I could never go back, and have no desire to, I also don’t have quite the antipathy for Mormons that a lot of ex-members do… So I guess what I’m thinking here is, maybe you could indeed go back if that’s what would make you happy– Because who can argue with happiness?

If you went back without the blinders on, open and honest with yourself about Mormonism’s flaws, but wanting to live as a Mormon because that’s where you can do good and find a place that works for you– Maybe you could try it. You certainly wouldn’t be the only ‘eclectic’ or liberal Mormon.

I’m not really advocating that you do it, just saying… It’s not impossible.

“…and it might be different.”

Uh. No. I went that route. I happened to go to church one day, just for something to do and to see what they were up to, a few years ago. During one of the sacrament talks, the woman speaking all of a sudden came out with “And, as Professor Dumbledore said…”, and I thought, wow, maybe things really have changed.

So, I decided to give the church another chance, ended up teaching the Relief Society lesson one week a month and thought, well, maybe I can change things from the inside.

Right. That lasted about five or six months before I found myself standing up before the sisters in Relief Society and saying something, meanwhile thinking, Wait. I don’t believe a word that is coming out of my mouth.

Coincidentally, while teaching the same lesson, I suddenly realized that I had forgotten to put a bra on before I got dressed to go to church and decided that it was a sign that I really didn’t want to be there at all. It was the last day I ever attended church.